Often I muse at the possibilities that exist outside myself.
Wearing the pastel polo's matched with plaid shorts, driving the latest hybrid-SUV, two people and a six month old-living in a 3,5oo sq ft home fully decorated with the greatest Pottery Barn has to offer, a week defined by what a 20 year old kid does on the football field, a level of intellect characterized by the latest Apple Iphone news...I muse at the possibilities that exist outside myself.
Don't get me wrong, these things seem well nice to less observed, but beyond the 6 different shades of khaki painted on the interior of a Pottery Barn replica home, I can't help but think that banging my head against a pillow feels nice until it starts to hurt!
And yet to those who subscribe to a lifestyle found in the latest 'dwell' magazine, I applaud you for the level of 'ignorance is bliss' that you have obtained, because on the flip side of that coin the thought of 'awareness is pressure' is something you have to learn to live with.
The awareness that is void of the khaki painted walls, pastel polo's, plaid shorts and Iphone apps, begs for knowledge that somehow our grandious mistakes create a fuller life magically connected to the bliss that in knowing the phrase 'blessed to be a blessing' is a lesson learned by great failure and not by great accomplishments.
Am I making excuses for my shortcomings? One mans reasons are another mans excuses!
But believe me on this point... my lesser angels are screaming down at my greater demons.
I'm sure we have all experienced failures at some point in our lives, no matter what color you paint your walls, but my suggestion is this...instead of hiding our failures we should hide our accomplishments.
We secretly want the praise of those around us, this being evident by how well we put ourselves together in the morning, but the scandalous nature of a full life yearns for depth defined by displacement. Sure, it's nice to feel appreciated and accepted and I want to be accepted and appreciated at some really nice places by some really cool people-this desire will never go away. However, it is among the disgraced, disappointed, disenfranchised, displaced people of this world where I feel most comfortable.
I think of the wonderful people I know and love that 'dont have it together' and yet I love them because of the wonderful people they have become by the recognition of their shortcomings and not their parade of accomplishments. And it brings me great joy to know that when victory is evident in their lives, there is true joy and applause to be had!
Because, the scandalous magic of how life is connected, when I am among my own, the failures seems softened and victories sweetened!
I met a woman who I admire and am, I admit, jealous of.
ReplyDeleteShe isn't married and she travels all over the world, unburdened by family and children. She goes where she pleases and sees wonderful things.
And then I find out--and it never even occurred to me that this was possible--that SHE envies my life. My life of playdates and juice boxes and bedtime stories.
And it absolutely stuns me how often I forget that everyone else isn't essentially different from me. I get so thrown off by all those trappings and appearances.
When you get down to it, everyone is made of the exact same stuff and I think that's what Jesus knew. I wish I remembered it more.
Thanks for reminding me.