Banging my head against a pillow

Often I muse at the possibilities that exist outside myself.

Wearing the pastel polo's matched with plaid shorts, driving the latest hybrid-SUV, two people and a six month old-living in a 3,5oo sq ft home fully decorated with the greatest Pottery Barn has to offer, a week defined by what a 20 year old kid does on the football field, a level of intellect characterized by the latest Apple Iphone news...I muse at the possibilities that exist outside myself.

Don't get me wrong, these things seem well nice to less observed, but beyond the 6 different shades of khaki painted on the interior of a Pottery Barn replica home, I can't help but think that banging my head against a pillow feels nice until it starts to hurt!

And yet to those who subscribe to a lifestyle found in the latest 'dwell' magazine, I applaud you for the level of 'ignorance is bliss' that you have obtained, because on the flip side of that coin the thought of 'awareness is pressure' is something you have to learn to live with.

The awareness that is void of the khaki painted walls, pastel polo's, plaid shorts and Iphone apps, begs for knowledge that somehow our grandious mistakes create a fuller life magically connected to the bliss that in knowing the phrase 'blessed to be a blessing' is a lesson learned by great failure and not by great accomplishments.

Am I making excuses for my shortcomings? One mans reasons are another mans excuses!

But believe me on this point... my lesser angels are screaming down at my greater demons.

I'm sure we have all experienced failures at some point in our lives, no matter what color you paint your walls, but my suggestion is this...instead of hiding our failures we should hide our accomplishments.

We secretly want the praise of those around us, this being evident by how well we put ourselves together in the morning, but the scandalous nature of a full life yearns for depth defined by displacement. Sure, it's nice to feel appreciated and accepted and I want to be accepted and appreciated at some really nice places by some really cool people-this desire will never go away. However, it is among the disgraced, disappointed, disenfranchised, displaced people of this world where I feel most comfortable.

I think of the wonderful people I know and love that 'dont have it together' and yet I love them because of the wonderful people they have become by the recognition of their shortcomings and not their parade of accomplishments. And it brings me great joy to know that when victory is evident in their lives, there is true joy and applause to be had!

Because, the scandalous magic of how life is connected, when I am among my own, the failures seems softened and victories sweetened!

A typical day in the south

Stiched to a standard blue collar work shop shirt, one you'll find in any automotive shop across America, read the words 'Hank'.

In a long southern draw, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I blew a tire out yesterday and was wondering if you have any used tires?"

Hank said, "Runnin a little low, follow me... 'Kenny, can you help this guy, he got a blowd out tire and needs a used one"

Kenny looking in my direction, "What size is it?"

I stumbled "Uh...Uh...Uh"

"Hey new guy, go see what size tire's on that car!"

New guy walking back to the shop "195...15r"

Kenny, "Walk this way sir!"

As Kenny pulls down a seemingly new tire off the shelf, I said, "Looks nice, what's it going to run me?"

"He's wanting 40 but we can do 35 plus tax"

"Sounds Good" I said as we walked over to get the 'blewd' out tire from the trunk.

As the tire is being pulled out of the trunk "Look's like you had some fun with this!"

"Well, the wife did!"

"That's what they'all say!"

10 minutes later I left Buddy's Tire Shop with an almost new tire for $38.50 and most importantly 3 new best friends!

Hiking

A few weeks ago Leah and I took our niece [aka 'BC'] hiking. Knowing that kids love to go on adventures we used the opportunity to discover a nearby cave. This is a snapshot of "BC" and I discovering the great abyss, which lasted for maybe 15 yards.

I couldn't help but think about being a kid - this cave would be the biggest thing in the world and last forever! The joys of being young.