10.20.2010

Hiding places

"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid."
-Frederick Buechner

I spent the better, or worse, part of the night watching the 'Friday the 13th' movies...I enjoy them because it reminds me of being a kid and going to my grandfathers house. He loved horror/slasher movies, and having good natured parents at the time, they tried to protect me, as much as possible, from the visual shock of seeing someone lose a head or limb or life. But every now and then my grandfather and I would sneak a movie in, and as I watched with fear, not from Jason or Freddy, but fear that my parents would punish me with the loss of head or limb or life for the treasonous act of defiance, I can't help but to remember the quality time spent with grandpa watching scary movies!

So needless to say, but I will anyway, that this time of year brings floods of memories.

I remember the fear and excitement that grips the dark of night watching the shadows change from lamps to headless horseman coming to kill and destroy.

I remember the anxious fear of saying 'candyman' in the mirror three times at a friends Halloween party and his older brother coming through the door at the exact moment.

I remember the secret hiding places I ran to when my nightmares would get the better parts of my sleep.

The fear was real, it was gripping!

Looking back I can laugh at the many great memories I have from being frightened as a kid. And somewhere within the laughter I have learned great lessons about being afraid.

The fear I have now is just as real as the fear I had as a kid. Obviously it manifest itself differently, I experience it from within, from a protective nature that desires to protect people, places, experiences, future and the unknown.

The hiding places I kept as a kid I keep in different untrue ways now. When fear strikes I grip to what I know best, the untruths about what either others have said or I say to myself- 'that things will be okay'- when in reality someone has to die in a horror film.

Magic words don't always work for good or bad. Words have a complexity of making lasting impressions on people, and to be wise, is to use words that give life and bring enjoyment to people, experiences and places. And maybe, just maybe, silence is the best way to stay alive.

Above the laughter and the noise, I hold tight to the fear of death. I have my reasons why death seems to consume when life still remains. Yet in the abyss of the unknown there are no truer words ever spoken then the words of the good thief on the cross next to Jesus, ""Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

The lesson I learned from my grandfather watching scary movies, is the no matter how real it would seem it was just a movie. The lesson I learned about life is that no matter how real it seems...it is real!

There are no quick escapes, no stop buttons, no turning on the lights, no hiding places, but there is comfort, there is peace in being frightened.
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